Today I clicked on a link to a fellow FBer's (Facebook) blog: 1. I didn't know he blogged (but then again, who doesn't these days). 2. The words he had written resonated so deeply within me I felt a vibration. He talked briefly about fear. Fear that actually paralyzes you from moving forward to be who and what you want to be.
I have been paralyzed many times in my life. Typically when I know it might actually be for the best. And then so many other times I make a rash, emotion based decision that actually ends up being a nightmare.
So I wondered, what if? What if I do take the leap and write down my thoughts and, here's the scary part, SHARE them with others? What's the worst that could happen? I become a multi-platinum singing sensation (Taylor Swift)? I lose all the people closest to me who think, "why is she sharing that?" No one notices? No one reads it? So after careful consideration and a glass of wine, I thought, "WHO CARES?"
So I'm writing it down and to quote Miss Swift, "I'm naming names." Ok, maybe they will be made up, but people will definitely recognize themselves.
I will start with myself: Call me Julz. That is what I am hoping my son's son, Jax, will call me. About him and that later.
I'm 48 and single. Not sure if I'm happy about that little fact...Either being 48 or single, but it is what it is, so I accept it. I've spent more time single than not in my life, and it's during these times I grow so much as a woman. But more about THAT later too.
I'm a mom. 2 grown, mostly, sons and an adopted daughter (more about her later as well). They are my pride. The one thing I can actually say without hesitation is, "Yeah, they turned out pretty good!" This, despite my best efforts to REALLY mess them up. I have 3 dogs that I'm a mom too as well. All females. Don't know why, except I didn't want a dog running around lifting his leg on anything that doesn't and sometimes does move.
I am a retail manager. Not what I aspired to be. But I'm good at it. Most days. I have an affinity for people. Don't necessarily like them, but can inspire and lead and all that good stuff a manager is supposed to be able to do. In interviews people will say, "I'm a people person!" and I'm thinking to myself, "No. No you aren't. You are 18 and you have NO IDEA about people." But that's my inside-my-head voice and I am learning to squelch that voice. You don't have to like people to understand them. I just understand people. I probably should have been a psychologist. Except then I would have to be compassionate and not yell, "BUCK UP SKIPPY! Whining will NOT get you where you want to be!"
I'm an avid half-reader. Meaning, I LOVE BOOKS and MAGAZINES! But....I also seem to have then attention span of a gnat and start a book or an article and then wander off. I call that really bad habit, "shiny object syndrome" (SOS, for short). With the exception that I have read all 4 of the Twilight books three times, and am starting on Twilight again. Oh and I read that companion book, something about a little twit vamp whose name I can't even remember the story was so lame.
I love to garden. I like the idea of gardening as well. I like the thought that I am passionate enough about lettuce that I could make it my life's calling. Hmmmmm.....
Oh and let's not forget music. LOVE music. All kinds. This is where most people say "except rap". I'm sorry but I think Eminem is BRILLIANT! With a CAPITAL BRILLIANT! I love classical. I love pop. I love country. I don't like jazz. Not jazz, jazz, but the kind of jazz that makes my teeth hurt.
Amusing moment!: Reading back over what I just typed, none of it, except the part about being a MOM even begins to define who I am. But I don't even know myself, so I just create lists. I like this and I like that.
And that lack of definition leads me, partially, to where I am RIGHT NOW...Sitting at my desk with a glass of wine, a Danish Butter Cookie scented candle burning, a dog curled up in a chair on my left, one at my feet, and a sense of where will this journey take me. Where do I want it to go? What do I want it to evolve into?
To start, I think it's just a place for me to spit my thoughts out onto "paper". An electronic diary of what plays out in my head and in my world.
So, to CC, who gave me the little virtual nudge I needed to start this trip.
Come along for the journey, wont you?
I really adore you.
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